New Year's Resolutions

Every year, I say, "No I'm not going to do resolutions this year." I get pissy when people (i.e., my mother mostly) nag at me about what my resolutions are going to be. Hell, I never keep them, and they end up hanging over my head like Coleridge's albatross. At some midpoint, like July, just when you're having fun, enjoying the pool, drinking frozen alcoholic somethings, it hits. "Shit," you say as you inhale another cigarette, gulp a big alcoholic cool wonderfulness, and then chase it with like a bag of potato chips, "I swore to quit smoking, quit drinking, and lose 20 lbs." And bam, the whole bloody summer suddenly becomes gloomy with guilt. No thank you! I want to enjoy my summer.

Okay so I caved, just as I cave every year. I don't usually tell anyone. I just kind of quietly make them in my head. Then I announce them once I've quit. This saves me the guilt but lets people say "Oh you're so wonderful." And who doesn't love to hear that?

This year I vowed to quit smoking (again) and to lose the 20lbs I gained since leaving WW plus another 10. And already, week three into January have accomplished one...I quit smoking. Hurray. Okay party over. It sucks, and I still miss smoking but I promised not just myself but my kids I'd stop.

And I'm working on number 2. I rejoined WW. So far the same slow but steady loss. Of course if I could stay really within the plan it might be more. I have to admit though that I'm not as giddy about the program. I still like the concepts behind it, and I think that it works. Its more that rigidness about thinking about things in any other way that always annoys me. The emphasis is totally on weight which yeah duh but I mean about a number on the scale. There is no other way to in the program to show weight loss such as measurements. And I know this is practical but you see these women are so obsessed with that number. Who if they don't see a big loss are devastated. They do not focus on being healthy but on that number. So this is where WW is not punk.

For me, I have to admit to a certain amount of wanting to look thin. Hell yeah it would be nice to wear a bikini to the pool and not look like an encased sausage. But a big part is to counter the effects of smoking by having a strong heart. And none of this necessarily has to do with a weight on the scale. It has to do with my waist measurement.