Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Ginger Drops the Ball

Getting knocked up in the middle of a month long blog promise does not work so well. I always forget that during the first trimester I am utterly unable to function. It gets worst as I get older. Now I'm kind of stunned that I managed to work full time as I did. I do remember that upon getting home from the full time job, I just kind of collapsed into bed. And this time around is no exception. I'm tired. I'm trying to juggle two different schools for the beasties, volunteer somewhat at the big beasties' school, and feeling guilty for not even making parent meetings at the younger beastie's preschool. I'm also teaching two classes (one filled with slackers and whiners gifted with a strong sense of entitlement), and having to drive Piper 45 minutes out of my way to where my mom teaches. My mom who rocks then takes Piper with her to pick up the other two beasties. H picks them up on his way home. It's a hot mess. And top this all of with applying for Ph.D programs, and trying to fit in learning Spanish somewhere into the mix. It's not been relaxing.

Thus my blog writing has fallen to the wayside. And yeah I'll admit to FBing. It's easier really. But I am spending much less time there. I'm there but always offline, trying to avoid the inane chatting which too often sucked up too much of my time. Maybe I'll just scrap it. I've thought about getting rid of all my friends in Charlotte because hell they can see me, or call me or whatever. Then I'd just have those people who are in Maine or where ever. But I haven't got to that point yet.

But the second trimester is coming up...about four more weeks, and then I'll feel wonderful. I'm looking forward to having more energy. I need it.

And of course I'm struggling with all my weight issues. I was so determined to not gain a ton of weight this time around. I had this vision where I wouldn't even be showing until like my fifth or sixth month. I kept picturing myself as one of those skinny bitches with their little baby bumps. I continued to exercise regularly, watched what I ate....for about two weeks. I'm still going to the Y nearly every day, and when I don't do that, I walk for an hour or so with H. But the eating...I'm hungry quite literally every two hours. And if I don't eat, I feel sick to my stomach and dizzy. I'm already showing. Had to buy maternity clothes a couple of weekend ago since nothing fit me. It's very depressing for me to see myself naked and find this huge belly leering out me. It's not just a baby bump either but bump and fat. I know I'm going to get lectured by the Dr. when I go in on the first. I dread it. And yet I'm struggling to not be so neurotic about it. H adores me and finds me beautiful. My kids love my belly with the "blueberry" growing inside. It's all me. I know.

Hopefully I'll be on more. Writing. Sharing. Connecting with my friends.