A Revial

From when I used to post my daily activities and notes about what was up and my to do list. You know boring mundane stuff that I actually kind of like to read on other people's blogs. It's so much more satisfying than a FB update because there's more detail. H would say it's because I'm nosy. I say it's because I'm a writer...I'm curious. So in that spirit....

My To Do List:
Clean up the dining room area which means organizing the shelves and homeschooling crap that is all over the Place (at least it's not in boxes).
Do dishes.
Do ALL the laundry including a diaper load.
Maybe fold said laundry.
Finish the syllabus for both classes and upload to Moodle.
Organize the articles I have online on Moodle.
Send threatening letter to future students.
Sit at the pool and drink beer with H.

I started this post around noonish and thought as I typed it out "There is NO WAY I'm going to get this all done!" I mean yesterday, it did take me five hours to clean my microscopic kitchen. And yet look at those strike outs. I did all that in like four hours. And I'm one load away from being caught up with laundry. I'm also thinking that within an hour I can put a line through my last to do as well.

I wish there was a way to replicate what makes some days easier to get things done. Yesterday seemed no different really. Rowena was just as fussy today and took as many short naps. Maybe I had more energy? I just don't know so that means tomorrow I'll get NOTHING done and feel like a failure.

My goal this year is yet another attempt to get us organized. I know I say this at least twice a year! But in my defense we get a bit better. Before I got pregnant I was quite adept at keeping the house respectable. And we do a lot more schoolish type stuff as well. I've found several blogs where moms have these schedules for chores. These outlines are usually divided into daily chores, weekly chores, monthly chores, etc. If I can get the house really clean then I think we can swing ourselves into that kind of routine. I KNOW we need to do this before we start our Ph.Ds or it's going to be utter chaos. We HAVE to train now.

My problem is that there is a big of me that just hates this kind of thing. I hate routine, schedules, etc. I detest being tied down by outlines. I resented having to write outlines of papers in school and then being FORCED to follow said outline. One of my greatest joys in my family is how deliciously spontaneous we are! But I also am becoming painfully aware that much of the time our house looks like three mini tornadoes whirled through destroying everything in their path. I walked into the kids' bedroom and found one of my favorite Mexican boxes broken. It made me sad rather than angry because I knew if I had kept up with the cleaning I would have noticed it missing likely before it got broken. In addition, our kids are slovenly and spoiled about it. They are the destroyers of rooms because when one room is destroyed the move onto another. They don't like to play in the messes they created.  But how do I balance this? I spent the last two days cleaning and we didn't go out all day. We really can't live like that. I don't want to live like that. How do other homeschooling moms do this? Or am I placing unreasonable expectations on myself? How clean does the house really have to be?

It's Time Of That Year...Again.

So this is my fifth birthday post since I started this blog. Holy whatever!

This year the little life that was inside me last year is now this:

Sometimes I am not sure if I deserve such happiness but mostly I just embrace it.

The last year was eventful. We started the kids at school and then took the kids out of school (again). I had an amazing, wonderful birth. H lost his job. H got another job. We had a home invasion. U was diagnosed with epilepsy. We moved.

It was one of those crazy years where life just kind of up and slaps you across the face a few times. But it could have been so much worst. And really last year was wonderful overall. U's epilepsy allowed us to get him help which lead to a breakthrough on his reading ability. Dealing with school, helped us to reevaluate what we wanted for our family. And lovely little R has given us all joy. Despite all the yucky of last year, the joy is what remains strong.

Because this year I didn't question it .I embraced it. I embraced being pregnant and the changes that enveloped my body. I embraced loving being a mom and being with my children. I embraced teaching and relished reaching the five or so students who get it each semester. I embraced my marriage and the luck I had at finding someone who loves the things I love. Each moment of joy is worth a lifetime of mediocrity.

And next year,well, I'm ready. We've got a lot going on: grad school applications (yes we're really doing it this year), teaching for both us (H at a new school...middle school this time around), more homeschooling, R's wonderful infant year....and no doubt plenty of surprises which we'll meet with the same kind of crazy passion we meet everything.

Intimacy

In the early evening, I wash my baby's tiny, round body. I coo to her as she kicks her chunky legs sending water over the edge of the baby bath and into the big bath. I gently wipe in the crevices of her warm flesh. I slosh water gently over her shock of black hair. She looks up at me with her brown eyes, sparkly (I didn't think eyes could sparkle until she existed), trusting. When I am done washing her, I wrap her in a towel, cradling her wet body to mine. I like to wrap her up so that only her round face is revealed.

After she is carefully dried, diapered, and clothed, I lay down beside her on the bed. I like to nurse her like this: on our sides, bodies nestled together. She looks up at me as she suckles, her eyes laughing because her mouth is busy. I relish the heaviness of her on my arm, and I pull her closer. Sometimes, if the older children are busy, H comes to lay with us. He spoons his body around my mine, one arm around my waist, the other around my head so that he holds the baby as well. We don't always talk during these moments. We just lay, the three of us, wrapped in each other. All of us nurturing, feeding the others.

Night Wanderings

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R's first extended time in a back carry. She seemed to enjoy it.

This is the building that houses the Matthew's library. I love the tower thing on top and always wonder if one can go up there and look through those windows.

H and U fooling around. I'm still a little taken back whenever I see a picture of U next to one of us. He's so tall now. He's slowly becoming a man.

The fam.

Mama ruined U's cool moment. And don't worry R was more secure than she appears to be in this picture:) We kept checking.

P posing as a street urchin in the harsh urban life of Matthews, NC/

C waiting for us to catch up. 

The Matthews Community Center. I've never actually been inside but we've explored the outside often enough.

H trying to jolly up C. It worked believe it or not.

A lonesome bus.

H and R sharing a moment.

U goofing it up.

Haunted building.

The kids are starting to lag on the walk. It was very hot out.

The Matthews Community Center up close.

P giving H a booster (what we call a push when one is one a bike and needs to get going).

Only way back home.

Electric H and R.

This is U's electric cowboy moment.

A reminder of little Maine general stores. A bit of nostalgia in a Coke bottle.

A couple of women had justed by whispering "That's the cutest baby." I figured I ought to have a picture of the cutest baby.

C trespassing. 

P following her older sister's bad example.

U very unenthusiastically doing a silly dance for me. He's at the age where his parents are dreadfully embarrassing. 

Piper showing off her pine cone treasure.

Our end time. Another evening walk completed.