Saturday, August 20, 2011

Almost 40

Another birthday blog. They keep adding up. I'd like to say this birthday snuck up on me as I sat innocently at the computer but when you have beasties, you never forget your birthday is coming. It started a week ago with "Mama your birthday is when?" and went on like that for seven days. And as soon I stumbled my sleep deprived myself into the living room, H had made a beautiful card that sat waiting for front of the computer. So no sneaking here. Just a big slap to the face. 39. Wow. People I'm almost 40! But that's okay because I've decided I'm going to live to 100. So I have another sixty one years left.

What has stayed the same? I'm still married to H. Almost 12 years now. Still insane about him. The beasties are still wrecking the most beautiful kind of chaos onto my life.

And that sameness has taken on even more import this year when so much has changed. From not getting accepted into a Ph.D program to moving to another state, my life is a bit upside down at the moment. We moved to Athens a few weeks ago so that H could begin his Ph.D program. Right now I am not working (well I mean I'm working my ass off...four children people!). I love Athens but I am scared of my future. I wish that there was some kind of neon sign flashing a big arrow towards my life career but alas that has not happened.Instead I spend a great deal of time worrying about what I should do. Should I become a nurse and then a midwife ensuring myself a job? I think I would like it but I know already that I would not love it as I do the academic stuff. But am I up for studying my ass for the GRE? Putting all my hopes into one school because there is ONE school I can apply to with H being here at UGA. I just don't know and I have to make a decision soon.

But yesterday I set those thoughts aside and enjoyed the richness that my life is. Surrounded by my family and good friends who are visiting from Charlotte, I talked about religion and music. I enjoyed gifts from far away (chocolate and yarn). For a moment I let my future remain in that hazy path ahead.

1 comment:

solar panels said...

"but when you have beasties, you never forget your birthday is coming." - hahah, that's true. Let's just be thankful that the beasties remember though because they don't feel guilty when they make us realize how old we are.