A Life

Lately I've been sunk back into my rut of just not doing anything. It's not good for me or for the kids. Just now I spent time pinning stuff on Pinterest and thought "What do would happen if you did those things you're pinning." And then I started to think about what I want my life to look like...and that maybe it was time to stop fantasizing about that life, or reading about it on other people's blogs, and start doing it.

I want to do things with my children. I want to do projects with them. Piper loves to make things. She loves to cook, to create with the materials around her, to draw. I want to be outside with them everyday. I want to exercise. I want to knit. I want to write. I want to organize our days a bit more than they are right now.

When I am sitting here doing nothing useful, I wonder why I do this to myself. I think perhaps it's that living in the realm of waiting. Right now I'm waiting for our stupid income tax to come in and I keep thinking "I'll make things when I can buy the materials." But perhaps I need to be thinking about what we can with what we have.

And then of course there is the waiting that comes from not knowing my future. As I let go of that concern, I find myself becoming more free while at the same time I need to fill the spaces of my day. And I need to fill it with more than cleaning the house and folding clothes.

I'm thinking that everyday needs to include writing and knitting so I can stay sane. And it also needs to involve being present with the children. It's good for us to have our space but we also need to connect and be together. It's spring and I feel like we need to be new. To do new things. To open ourselves up to some change.