Past Lives

When I was younger, I was a Neopagan. This brought me into contact with a variety of interesting, and often odd people as a wide diversity of beliefs and interests. One belief seemed to hold sway over most: reincarnation. It's the one belief from my Neopagan years that I'm not able to quite shake. I have so many memories, and dreams that do not belong to this life. But I can not accept those as evidence, as I wonder if they were brought on by Neopagan years. There is no objectivity to memory, influences, etc. But there is a part of me that sees these moments as not fully belonging to myself.

I have a terrible fear of drowning. I'm not scared of water or even of swimming. I usually don't swim in the ocean but that's not so much out of fear but common sense. I'm not a strong swimmer, and I know the ocean would be hard for me. I have swam in the Carribean though, and felt no fear. What I'm afraid off is the actual act of drowning. It usually manifests itself when I'm on ships or boats. Once as a teen we took a ferry to an island off the coast of Maine, and I was paralyzed with fear. For obvious reasons, I avoid boats. I've had this fear for as long as I can remember, and can't find a cause for it.

One day at a pagan gathering, a woman I barely knew came up to me. She said "I know this is going to sound weird but when I look at you, I see a little boy in a sailor's outfit. You know those outfits you see in pictures of Victorian kids. You're on the deck of a ship." At the time, I thought it was strange and kind of brushed off. But that night, I had a dream that I was that little boy, and the ship sank, and I drowned. It was a horrible dream, and I discovered on waking up that one can actually "wake up in a cold sweat." The next time I saw the woman, she said "I had a dream about you a couple of weeks ago. You were the boy and you were on a ship. The ship sank for some reasons, and you drowned."