I suspect one who blogs is rather obligated to write a "Thankful" post on Thanksgiving. And this year, I want to so the obligation fits with desire. How OFTEN does that happen? Seriously?
Last year, I was writing about Umberto's first seizure. We knew he was safe for the moment but we were so scared that the seizures signaled something dire. As this time approached last year, we were terrified that we would once again being running to find our son on the floor. Last night, I found that I slept rather fretfully, every noise from the kids' room waking me up. H admitted that he slept poorly as well. But there was no seizure. U's been seizure free since January. I am thankful for this simple fact.
Since that last post, I held my son's frail body as he seized (last Grand Mal in January), and even though I remained calm, there was no doubt that the moment emphasized the fragility of our bodies. And it was my son's body. My beautiful son whom I adore, and whose body is not mine but was once carried inside my womb. I made myself hold him even as I wanted so much to run away. I needed to do this as I had hid the first time, allowing H to face that darkness of imaginary loss.
This year I am thankful that my son's body is still here. I am thankful that my children are alive and well.
3 comments:
I had such a frightening dream last night, that Becky had a brain disease that slowly calcified her brain stem, and I woke up physically ill at the reality that children die, and that no amount of will or faith or money can change that simple fact. I've known so many families who have lived through the horror of losing a child, and can not overstate the fact that healthy children are a blessing. Even when they drive me mad, i am grateful in my bones that they are here to drive me mad. I'm so thankful your beasties are here to drive you mad as well. xoxoxo
Me too Ivory. I honestly don't know how I'd survive. When I thought U was dying it was the worst feeling in the world. The worst.
I am so thankful for my boys' health too. It's the absolute worst feeling as a mother when you can't fix something that is hurt or broken in your child. I can't imagine what you, H, & the other beasties experienced during this time, but can imagine as it still haunts you today. Greyson turned blue in my arms at the hospital, he was choking as I was half asleep holding him. This happened again when he was 2 & Jason had to sweep his fingers to get a piece of fruit that had lodged in his throat. If Greyson makes any sort of gagging or choking noise now I am immediately on my toes & at his feet in panic because I will never be able to forget those visions. I don't think Me & Jason slept that first week that we brought him home worried that he might stop breathing. Guess I should have written my own blog instead of leaving this lengthy comment. I love you and your beautiful family & am so thankful we are all healthy. xoxo
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