Tuesday, July 17, 2007

And Then He Cut Me...Part 1

"where there is a wound, there is a subject...and the deeper the wound, at the body's center, the more the subject becomes a subject: for the subject is intimacy. Such is love's wound: a radical chasm (at the 'roots' of being), which cannot be closed, and out of which the subjects drains, constituting himself as a subject in this very draining."

The scene, she knew, was like an old movie. She imagined that somewhere in the future she would look back, and laugh at the absurdity of it all. But tonight, she lay in bed and replayed it all over and over. The busy chatter of the lounge. How she had gone to smoke (her roommates at the hotel did not smoke). She had dressed in a short black skirt, ripped black tights, a shirt slashed and held together with safety pins. She had her vampire caps in which pressed into her bottom teeth when she smiled. The effect she had on others electrified her. The "normal" people not associated with the con moved away from her, uncomfortable, shocked. Some of the men would look longingly, something deep and dark stirred inside them. But their wives dragged them off, giving her distrustful, angry glances. But the real moment, the moment when her world began to spiral out of control was when she sat down on the huge circular divan that squatted in the middle of the lounge. She sat and began to smoke, not looking at anything in particular. And when he sat, she felt rather than saw him. When she turned, he was already looking at her. Dressed in black, with long hair pulled back, he smoked as well. He was older than her. His gestures were smooth, easy, almost effeminate. He smiled, and said "I like you tights." And then she smiled, and she saw something light up in his eyes.

"And I really like your teeth. Are they sharp?"

And something opened up in stomach. Something like a wound. Her head, that part which does not rule so well in love, sensed something but she didn't care. What she felt was that if he did not touch her then, that if he got up and left...it would all be over. Life would never have color again. He took her to his hotel room, where they talked. When she left, he gave her his address, and kissed her, she cut his lip with her teeth, and he sighed.