Monday, July 16, 2007

The Way Sound Looks

Today it was Arcade Fire. Yesterday it was Nine Inch Nails. Today was more dangerous.

For some reason, the Arcade Fire CD didn't click in until I was almost out on the main road. Suddenly there was drums, Win Butler moaned out of my speakers. The car filled with noise. My world exploded. My heart thudded in my chest, my hands started to shake. I felt like my breaths were coming in gasps. The music didn't fill me. It filled my car. I could see it. It wasn't pictures. There were no images. It was more like the reality of this world seemed to shift just a bit, and everything was liquid. I couldn't see very clearly. As I turned onto an even bigger road, I almost hit a car that had the right away. I didn't even see her. All I could see was the music as it twisted the things that normally seem so solid into something malleable. At that point, it was apparent I needed to turn down the music. And I did. I had to gradually turn it up and almost take it in small doses. Yes, I could still see the music but the gradual emergence kept me from killing myself or anyone else.

Yesterday, the same thing happened with Nine Inch Nails. I actually got lost. In Charlotte. A place I have lived in and explored for nearly seven years.

Today, I rather hesitantly told H about it. I am a little bit worried that I'm going crazy. H thinks maybe I've unleashed some kind of creative spirit with all my writing. Who knows? Maybe writing is about madness? Is this madness a choice like the madness of love? Or maybe it's just that all that acid I did years ago is catching up


Ros said...

I do not think you are going crazy; many imaginative and creative people see sounds, hear feelings. What about that whole phenomenon of people who taste/smell words? I am, however, concerned because whatever is going on interferes with your safety if you almost hit another car. Anything else going on?

Ginger said...

No just fact no depression or anything. I've been thinking a lot about the past but in a good dealing with it kind of way. Now I just know that if I listen to music, I have to be more careful....meaning sitting in the car, gradually letting myself get used to the sound, feelings etc.

Sandunga said...

my dear ginger, of course writing is about madness, actually do you someone that calls himself a writer and you honestly can say is "normal"? but is the most beautiful kind of madness... we need more of this.
and, in the car is better if you listen something that doesn´t distract you that much, like soft music or something like that i suposs...

Ginger said...

Yes I defintely need to calm the music down in the car...I listened to Nine Inch Nails today when I went to the park for a playdate. It was okay. I eased into it.

As for writers, no, no normal ones including myself. I denied this part of my being for the last few years. I sort of gave up on myself as a writer. Now that I'm doing it so often it does feel like I'm a bundle of intense emotions. It's a bit scary but I think due to being pent up for so long?

Kisses back.

Sandunga said...

we all are writers wanted or not. really, if you think about it, we write all the time, but we have this idea that a writer is someone who works all the time and publishes, and goes out on tv talking of evirement or politics, but that is a "proffessional writer".
i refused to call my self a writer for a long time, so i know what are you talking abot, and, to tell you the truth i can live without writing, but i choose not to. so, don´t diminish your own work.
kisses again