Just Who Do You Think You Are?

It's taken me a couple of weeks to repost about the thoughts, the rather rude anymous poster left....anymously of course. And while I hate to give "blog time" to such things, I do want to address some of the issues he/she raised as well explain why I erased the post.

On the mudane level...why the erasure? First because it was anonymous which I consider amazingly cowardly. It always makes we wonder how serious the commentary was. Without a name (and what are the chances I even know this person?) the post takes a tone of pettiness as if Anonymous just wants to be a jerk. Now if a name had been left I would left the post, and allowed it to become part of an interesting discussion concerning the nature of memoirs, marginalization, etc. But a good critique has to come from someone who's interest is engagement not the closed circle of name calling and hiding behind a wall. I welcome critique, and I don't mind people challenging me or asking hard questions. Like most people, it hurts when people resort to name calling but normally i can even deal with that. So if you're truly interested in conversation leave a name.

So what did questions did anonymous raise? Well a few for me. First, it the outright anger and disgust with the memoir format caught my attention. I got the impression that this really pissed off the poster. He/she accused me of being a part of narcissistic bloggers (umm...aren't blogs inherently narcissitc?), and then proceeded to call something I think meant self-indulgent (self-compassionate isn't really a word, and if it was I hope I could apply it). And for the most part I agree. I'm not sure if that particular post was particularly that way but the one about my burns was. It's the one thing I HATE about the memoir. As a style of writing, the tell all memoir is like masturbation. It takes pleasure from putting oneself under the microscope. I always feel uncomfortable when I read memoirs...uncomfortable in ways I don't' feel when reading fiction. It is as if the fiction puts some kind of distance. And I know for me as a writer, humble as that title may be for me, I feel this when I write both things. In a creative nonfiction class, I read a book called The Kiss which was about a woman who meet her father for the first time as a young woman. She ended up having an affair with him, and then wrote this book about it. One of my professors when hearing about this book said "There are some things you need to keep between your therapist and yourself." And I tend to agree. The memoir has become a psyhic dump for most writers, and we as the readers get a vicarious ride through pain and misery. How many memoirs are now written to chronicle travels, good times, or just our experiences with other people?

Second, my poster raised some interesting questions about marginalization. He/she was obviously angry at what he/she saw as me trying to put myself in a marginalized place. I want to make clear first that I never claimed that status for myself based on my accent. That discussion arose in the comments (a welcome discussion I might add). But I do see myself marginalized based on my class and my gender. But I am not a victim of that marginalization. I don't buy into the cult of victimization. I do think that recognition can lead to anger which can lead to action. Due to my own marginalization I've found ways to help those in similar position just as many people helped me to get where I am today. And yeah it's just an average graduate program on the East Coast but I am proud of what I have accomplished and grateful to the people who tried hold me down and those who held me up. I'd rather be a middle of the road professor in middle America then the prophecy of a pregnant welfare mom that many foresaw for me. (Oh and as a side note, Faulkner was acutely aware of the prejudice many Southerners faced when going North due to their accents. Check out Absalom, Absalom !).

And as a point, when one looks at Deleuze's concept of words as "order-words" the relationship between power/words becomes an interesting entanglement. He writes "The compulsory education machine does not communicate information: it imposes upon the child semiotic coordinates possessing all of the dual foundations of grammar. Language is not made to be believed but to be obeyed, and to compel obedience"(76). When we create standards, we are really I think following what language does, it orders. It reaches into the chaos and sets things straight. It creates territories. I have to think more on this because I find this aspect of Deleuze a bit unsettling, and I think there is more to this essay than I am grasping (problem with middle-of-the road in middle American I supposed). But for now this is the thought I leave my dear (and undear) readers with.

Por Ernesto who made a lovely request for more Green Tea....