Sunday, January 23, 2011

More Waiting

We are still waiting. Waiting for answers. Checking our email and various website a hundred times a day. This might be more nerve wracking than the actual application process. At least during that torture something was being done. Now we just have to wait and do...nothing. It is a lesson in stillness of spirit. It is a lesson in not rushing time. The impulse to hurry through the days is strong.

But there is a new member to our family, and each day is a miracle when you have a baby. Watching her become a person, aware and more here than there does not need to be rushed. At nine months, she has been outside as long as inside. And she is know opening up to the great world. I love watching her become aware that she is a person on her own. She is half frightened and clings to me but in the next moment she opens up. She crawls away only to cry out for me to come and hold her close. Soon she will crawl away, towards another, and not look so back so quickly. And in this moment, I have to be still and relish each second of Rowena's beautiful first months.  They are gone so quickly, and they are not to be squandered with worry and anticipation.

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